LIFE WITHOUT ROSE

 

"I'm sorry Chester." 

 

"You okay man?"

 

"Tough dude, you are."

 

"Sorry, man."

 

"Must have been hard, huh?" 

 

All those and a few taps on my back. It wont change anything, wont even bring Rose back. But honestly if I were in their position I'd be in a lost for words as well. 

 

I mean, what do you say that could possibly make someone who's grieving feel better? To be frank, none. We pretend to stop and smile for a moment but, nothing changes. Some people did say nice things that Rose used to do when she was alive but, I guess it made me miss her more. 

 

Meh, what the hell, I'm already in my mid 70s. I might be too sensitive on these subjects.

 

I gave them a quick smile and stared at my ring. Rose gave it to me. She's a ring maker and she made me a silver one that looked feminine. I love it. God, I love her. There's a cute transparent like stone on top of it that has a purple flower inside and it's so fun to touch. Mostly because of the weird bumpy feelings it had to it. I know rings could be uncomfortable to wear at times but I just love this one so much that I wont ever want to pull it out of my fingers. 

 

I stared at the brown coffin in front of me and thought to myself, its really weird how alive Rose look. Like, her cheeks had always been red and well, rosy. It made her look shy. I couldnt help but get slightly scared at how delicate she looked and how.. her skin wasnt that much pale. She looks alive. 

 

I took a few steps back and sat on one of the seats on the front row. I sighed deeply as I looked at the coffin.

 

If you're wondering why I'm not crying, well... I don't know what to say either. I looked around me and the church was already empty. No one was around, no priests no grieving families excluding me, no one came to Rose's burial. Then I remembered the pats on my back and the shitty words that people would say to me to make me feel better. And my head suddenly felt so dizzy that it seemed like everything was spinning around. 

 

Do you know the feeling when you're riding a ferris wheel but whenever it carries you down you realize you're somehow closer to the sky and you got higher and higher and you become scared? 

 

I dont know if I'm making any sense but that was how it is for me at this exact moment. Suddenly, I was on a busy road. Every cars and bikes passed by me like I was invisible and a part of the road. 

 

I stood still until my eyes caught Rose's. She was sitting on the bench at a bus stop, wearing a wedding dress. She looked worried and guilty but mostly sad. My legs started to work their ways towards her but the more I walked the more further she became. I took the hint and stood still on the road, hundreds upon hundreds of vehicles mercilessly passed, but my eyes were on hers. 

 

A black sedan car stopped in front of Rose and she stood up abruptly. A handsome gentleman wearing black tuxedo got out of the car, he was probably in his late 20s. He gestured for Rose to get into his car but she clenched her jaw and refused without looking at him. 

 

I could read her mouth somehow, she said she wasnt ready for commitment and the young gentleman said that Rose proposed to him and now she wanted to back off from their marriage. He looked extremely, extremely angry. 

 

At one point the gentleman shouted and coerced Rose to get into the back seat of the car. Instinctly I ran towards Rose and shouted NO!  without knowing why I did it. I ran and ran but it felt like I was running on a treadmill and I wasnt making any progress. My voice got drowned by the sound of engines and lorries that passed by. 

 

DONT GET INTO THE CAR! I shouted unknowingly. Somehow I cried and felt helpless. I shouted at the top of my lungs, so mad at the gentleman for forcing Rose into the sedan. 

 

Rose and the young man quarrelled a bit more before the man in his tuxedo opened the back seat door and pointed for Rose to get in. She gave up and instead took a turn to sit at the passenger seat next to the driver. 

 

This was when I got crazy. I felt helpless and my old wrinkled hand tried to grab Rose from afar but it wont work. So I cried loudly and fell on the hard surface of the road. 

 

Rose opened the door and that was when she got hit by a big and heavy lorry. The door from the passenger seat flew open with her and she ended up a few metres from the car. 

 

Shocked, I hang my mouth open as I felt my tears choked up. As did the young gentleman. He looked so shocked that he stood still and out of all the things he could do, he got in his car and drove it far from the scene. 

 

I got so mad that I wished for the man to die. Die a painful death. I wished for him to relive this moment for the rest of his life so that he could die twice, thrice, and many times as he relive each moment until he got old. 

 

That was when the gentleman lost his mind and hit a tree at the side of the road. All of his fingers were broken but his ring finger did not. A feminine like ring shone through the deep and dark flowing red of blood. 

 

And I smiled.